Kids’ Logic

Kids have been known to say the most amazing things. They can come up with stuff that leaves jaws hanging. Make connections we did not see coming. Expose language ambiguities that we no longer hear, and make expressions a never ending study in explaining why we did not mean the words we said even though we very much did mean what we said …

Kids can also give the most hilariously brilliant unexpected answers.

Here is a compilation of answers from 25 kids whose responses on tests, quizzes, assignments and schoolwork prove that they are awfully literal, completely out to lunch on what’s inquired about, totally impish, wholesale Smart-Alec’ish, or a combination of the above …

whatended

Read more and enjoyhttp://www.viralnova.com/awesome-kid-answers/#VGpIS22CscTiyxSg.99

Thank you ViralNova.com for this delightful collection!

“He suddenly can’t talk!”

It was an urgent message.

“I have a little boy. He just turned three, and he suddenly can’t talk!” The mother’s voice was pressed with worry. She forgot to leave a callback number and the number on my caller ID showed as “Private Number.”

She called again the next day and I happened to pick up. I knew immediately that it was the same person who’d left the message–the urgency in the voice was palpable. She was flustered when she realized she did not leave a phone number–she’d been waiting for me to call back all of the day before, late into the evening. My heart ached for her. It does not take much to worry a parent, and a major change in any child’s behavior is alarming.

“He’s always been a little talker, you see,” she said after I asked her to tell me a bit more about what the problem was. “He started talking really early, actually,” pride filtered into the concern, a hint of smile of remembering. “Said his first words even before he was one, and he was putting sentences together before his second birthday. We used to laugh, my husband and I, about how he never shuts up …” her voice caught. “But now he can barely talk! He tries, but it is like nothing’s coming out!” Her own voice rose in worry.

“Can he sing?” I asked.

“What?” My question surprised her. It was intended to, in some way, though I had other reasons for asking it. I didn’t want to describe the boy’s speech for her, didn’t want to put words in her mouth, but I did want to get some information about possible clinical presentation.

“Can he sing?” I repeated gently.

“Yea … actually …” her voice turned pensive, surprised, a little confused. “He sings really well. He’s not stuck at all when he’s singing! He loves singing … It is when he’s trying to tell me something that he gets stuck. He gets all red in the face from trying and I don’t know what to do to help him. He’s repeating the same sounds ‘mm….mm’ or ‘I I I I’ and can’t get a word out. It takes forever for him to say something.”

We spoke a bit more. Apparently this started the week before, though there were days in the week or two before that when when he would “stop” on a word, or repeat the beginning of a sentence a few times before “diving into it.” This first born little boy had no history of medical issues, there were no major changes in the house or in his life recently, no illness, falls, medications, ear infections. His articulation was stated to be “super clear” and his language was reportedly rich. He could tell stories and speak in sentences and “knew a ton of words.” He was a happy toddler and other than the occasional tantrum had an overall jolly disposition, which this ‘inability to talk’ did not mar. For all his red-faced stress, the mother admitted that she did not think that he was all that bothered by it and “just stood there and stayed stuck…” It was her who was alarmed, and her husband. “My husband has a co-worker who is a stutterer,” she said quietly, as if divulging a shameful secret. She did not need to add what she was fearing, what her husband feared–that their little boy was going to become that co-worker. A Stutterer.

I agreed to see the little guy for an observation and parent consultation, but had no opening till the week following. In the meanwhile I suggested to the mother to just let him be and not draw too much attention to his speech (including refraining from telling him to “start again” or “say it slowly” or “breath deeply”…). I recommended they continue reading to him, regular routines, and listen to him (even if it takes him a long time to get a sentence out) while maintaining interest and without making a big deal out of the dysfluency. I recommended lots of songs and music–for fun, but also because they can give a sense of fluency and reinforce a feeling of success and ease for the boy. We chuckled over how she’d just have to live with listening to the dude’s favorite playlist a few thousand more times…

She called me two days before our scheduled appointment.

“He’s fine!” she called into my machine. “It’s like he never got stuck at all! I don’t know what happened but he just woke up yesterday and he’s not getting stuck! I thought he was doing better but I thought that I was just hoping … but he’s just … talking up a storm! Do we still need to come?”

We decided to defer the consultation, and to have her call me if need be at a later date.  I explained that this might have been an episode of “Developmental Dysfluency” or “Developmental Stuttering” and that these sometimes recur, and if so, she can call me immediately, or watch and see what happens for a week or so before she does that. Whichever she prefers.

Developmental Dysfluency (AKA Developmental Stuttering) affects many children. In fact, 75-90% of children between the ages of 3-5 have times of dysfluency in one form or another and the vast majority of them do not continue to stutter. Sometimes dysfluency happens once. Sometimes it recurs. While dramatic, most times it is nothing to worry about. That said, if it recurs, if it continues for a long time, if the child seems upset by it, avoids speaking, seems embarrassed, etc., if there’s family history of stuttering, and if it causes stress and worry in the family; then an evaluation and follow up by a speech-language-pathologist are very important.

Stuttering can become a life-long issue, and it can impact people’s communication. Early intervention helps and can sometimes prevent stuttering from becoming complicated. It is also important to ensure that the speech issues are not related to problems with motor-planning, retrieval, processing, or other issues that need clinical help.

In this little guy’s case, his dysfluency recurred a few months later, and I got to meet him. His mother also brought a videotape of his interactions at home (including the cutest singing in the tub!) and took him to an ENT and had a hearing test done at my request. The boy’s language indeed was superb, and he showed no issues with motor-planning, social communication, or articulation. There were no issues of concern about his development or abilities. He was not bothered at the least by getting “stuck”, and commented to me, unperturbed, “sometimes my mouth gets a traffic jam.” His mother was not so alarmed this time around. The second dysfluency episode passed a few weeks afterwards, and did not return.

There are some theories about what causes dysfluency/stuttering in toddlers and young children. Many echo this little guy’s theory, and state that it is a ‘traffic jam’ of sort–a temporary mismatch between language skills that are improving and sentences that are getting longer and more complex; and motor skills that are not yet up to the challenge–literally too many instructions coming down the pipe for the coordination the child has at present to execute in timely manner.

Stuttering may have a genetic component, but that does not mean that having someone who stutters in the family dooms children in the family to same. Not everyone who is predisposed to stuttering does stutter, and whether one continues to stutter following dysfluency episodes depends on many factors. These include the child’s personality, and ability to regulate frustration, their other communicative and developmental strengths and weaknesses, their age when the stuttering begins, how easily frustrated they become, their life circumstances (e.g. trauma increases the risk), whether there are other speech and language issues, and the reactions of people around them (e.g. if people get worried, the child may become aware that something is ‘wrong with them’ and feel embarrassed or nervous or worse, ashamed), to name a few. The latter reason, especially, is why it is so important for those around the child to get support about how to react, what to do, and especially what NOT to do or say. It is always better to do what this mom did, and reach out to a professional for a consult, than try to ‘fix this’ on your own.

Treatment for stuttering is available, and can be very successful, especially in children (the more years one stuttered, the harder it can be to treat, though even adults can improve and sometimes overcome stuttering after years of difficulty). There are different approaches and methods to the treatment of stuttering, as well as different possible underlying issues that cause it in the individual person. So one size does not fit all–not one method works for everyone–and it is important to look for a clinician who will assess, consider, and match the treatment that is most appropriate to a particular person and be flexible to adjust it as need be.

I got a call from the little guy’s mom not too long ago. He’s starting Kindergarten and is into drama classes and theater. “He still sings in the bath,” she told me, “and sometimes I think that he does not shut up from the moment his eyes open to when they close at night …”

penguin chick

For more information about stuttering, click here.

Make Life Easier!

creativity

Practical fun! Two for one!

Life is complicated. Stuff gets in the way, falls off, gets tangled, goes missing, takes time and space and energy to organize. Thankfully, there are some very clever people who come up with supremely genius solutions to problems you maybe did not realize you even had, or that give you an ‘aha’ moment when the solution is presented.

Think you need to get a specialized gadget for every situation? Think again. Apparently you probably already have all you need, and some of it may be in your recycling bin even as you are reading, just waiting for salvation and a second chance…

Small ideas can make big sense once you see them.

Here are some simple, everyday things that can make you life simpler. Or at the very least, provide you with a smile (and smiles, as we all know, are super-efficient ways to make life instantly better!)

Simple solutions with everyday objects–click on the links below each photo to get even more ideas!

Let little Tennis serve you with a holding hand!

tennissolution

Want more ideas? Click here!

 

Hang on to your chosen reading material …

hangerholder

More where this came from? Click here!

 

Catch drill spills!

drill spill

Want more easy solutions to pesky problems? Click here!

 

Give shoes a step up (and your floor a dirt-break)

shoes off

More fun solutions? Click here!

May your day be easy and your solutions multiply!

Teaching Children Calm

deep breath

“Calm down!” Sounds simple, but for many young children it is a foreign concept unless and until we show them how.  Especially if they had known more overwhelm than calm.

Young children who experience overwhelming events such as neglect, severe stress, abuse, chronic illness, or sudden separation at a young age can be traumatized. The world around them no longer–maybe never–feels safe. They don’t know how to regulate, how to calm themselves, how to manage when they get upset. They act out, they hit, they don’t listen, they ‘misbehave.’ They have a hard time making good decisions, explaining their actions, or utilizing memory. They fall behind at school, socially, in their ability to learn new things, communicate, or play.

Trauma changes the brain and can interfere with development. It also creates a vicious cycle of hyper-vigilance and checking-out that costs children opportunities for learning, interaction, and connection.

Children need adult support to manage traumatic aftermath. They cannot be expected to find the way without help. Many of them may need psychotherapy, but even then they need support in non-therapeutic interactions in the day to day. Support that we can all learn to provide by understanding trauma. By knowing what trauma is and how it works, recognizing what it does, how it affects children, and learning what we can do to help reduce its effects so a child get traction in the now.

In an excellent opinion article in the NYTimes this week: Teaching Children To Calm Themselves, David Bornstein details one such system of support set in place, and how it already works to change the lives of the children as well as of the adults who care for them: teachers, caregivers, siblings, even the school-bus drivers. http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/03/19/first-learn-how-to-calm-down/

Read it. Then share it with anyone who works with children. Or who has one.

Spread the word. Our children are worth it. Open the path to teaching calm.

boy with dog

For more information about the impact of trauma on communication, check The Language of Trauma, and other publications here.

For more information about the Adverse Child Experiences Study, and the cost (literally and figuratively) of trauma throughout the lifespan, check: http://www.cdc.gov/ace/

For more information about how to help traumatized children at home and in the classroom, check the links to the ISSTD’s FAQ pages here.

Parenting of another Kind…

This is a beautiful story.

Not a new story, as those go, but still freshening and as heartwarming as the day it was first aired. It tells a story that is timeless. Of kindness. Of empathy and care.

It is a story of a regular man who did something quite extraordinary and by that touched the hearts of many along the route. Literally.

This won’t take long–not even three minutes, actually–but it will make your day.

Watch and smile.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/9hnbmml8fOY

How did THAT happen?

tom looking for ball

Kids are wizards of pointing out minutia of life that can seem quite arbitrary to us. They note things we missed completely. They seem to ‘insist’ on irrelevant details like the way the plate is organized, who got to open the refrigerator this time, or what touches what. Everything takes far LONGER to do with a little one around …

In good part it may well be because their life moves slower. Time is yet to be shackled onto watches and the ticking of a schedule. They pause mid-sleeve, pondering the way light filters through the cloth, unconcerned with how rushed the morning is. They stare in wonder at a pigeon when the light changed and it is time to cross the street. They have an urgent question or need just when you finally sat down to eat.

And they notice. Everything.

They collect each leaf and pebble. There is no such thing in their vocabulary as a “quick run to the store and back” … not when there’s a big exciting world out there. There is endlessness to explore: Cracks in the pavement. Bits of paper flown by winds. Funny people. Yippy dogs. Horns and beeps and squeaks and windows with wonders and when finally at the store, multitudes of candy at eye-level … How could it be that this was not what you came all the way for? …

They teach us patience, that’s for certain.
They also teach us that time is what we make of it. That stress can catch one breath, and relaxation ride right in upon another. That one can laugh before their tears have dried and emotions coexist and flow without a judgment.
They hold a mirror to the things we have forgotten or have misplaced our truth about or have given up on trying to critically examine.

They listen. Even when they do not seem to.

More than most anything else, they note the mismatch of expression, the ambiguity of tone and matter. The odd things our mouths can say and we do not hear.

In part it is because small children are so literal. They get confused when they listen to the WORDS we say and find it not to match the words’ MEANING. Their reaction (and ensuing cuteness) can have us realize hidden ambiguity. They reflect what we once saw and now are almost blind to: how the world works even though words so often mean things they do not really mean.

Want a few examples?

A father talked about his mother looking after the children when he and his wife had to both be away. “She has a heart of gold,” he gushed. His preschooler daughter piped up and added, “no daddy, you forgot. Nana’s TEETH are gold …”

A mother had forgotten something she needed to ask me. “I’ve had it at the back of my head all day,” she sighed, frustrated. Her three-year-old scrambled up onto the couch and took a look, exclaiming, “No mamma, it is nothing there!”

“It is all politics and money,” another parent moped when a kindergarten admission did not go the way she’d hoped, “there’s absolutely nothing new under the sun!” Her almost kindergartener son looked at her sideways. “That not true, Mommy,” he said, rather accusingly. “I have new Spiderman shoes! You forgetting my new Spiderman shoes?!!”

Then there are the cats and dogs that do not really rain; the invisible pins and needles one can be on (and no wonder one’s child refuses to sit where the parent sat a moment prior!!); the feet in mouths (“You can’t do that no more, Daddy. You’re too old. You can’t reach like baby Deena!”); the bleeding hearts (think on that …); the pants on fire…

Language is a treasure trove of meaning, and learning symbolic language is a big task. It calls for the ability to hold two lines of listening: one for the words, another for the context. Children get very good at that around age 5 or so, though they get thoroughly confused before they realize that “listen to what I say” is far from straight forward.

Kids practice logic. They spend a good bit of their time making connections, figuring out how things work and what brings on what. If you pour too quickly, you spill everything. If you push your brother, mom gets cross. If you don’t stop whining, you may lose a privilege. If you mix milk with chocolate syrup magic happens and you get chocolate milk!

They get right fast at figuring out what makes what, and a never-ending list of ‘why’s helps them figure things out. They realize there are desired outcomes and less favorable ones, some adults that are easier to get things from, that there is misfortune and consequence. They get uncannily creative at hopeful attribution of fault …

They map their world into cause and effect. Into how things happen. Who does what.

And sometimes they make connections that are not quite as we would have put them. … Like the little girl with the (newly) pregnant mom, who asked quite loudly and in public: “Daddy, how did God put a baby inside mommy and didn’t tell her about it until she peed on the stick?”

The B&Bees

The B&Bees

Spring it on!

spring forward clock1

Daylight Savings Time begins tonight–or rather, early Sunday morning–March 9, at 2am.

It is time …

Time to move your clocks ahead one hour.

Time to lose a little sleep …

Time to gain an hour of daylight, and swoops of sunshine …

Time to hopefully convince Spring to actually come!

A moment of Trivia

Most of the United States abides by this “springing ahead.” However, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, American Samoa, Guam, Northern Mariana Islands, the US Virgin Islands … and for some reason, Arizona (??) don’t ‘do’ Daylight Savings Time (DST). They don’t move their clocks, don’t gain another hour. They remain  firmly on one time year round. Arizona, for example, chooses to remain on Mountain Standard Time.

(Actually, speaking of Arizona–the ONLY mainland North American State averse to DST–is super-confusing even when it comes to time. You see, the Navajo areas DO move to DST, while the rest of Arizona does not. So just be aware, that if you live in Arizona, asking “what’s the time?” between March and October, is a potentially confusing question, and depends on who you ask and where you are … If you’re anywhere else on the US mainland, you’re good. Move your clocks. Even Indiana decided to join the rest of the Union for DST.)

Spring forward into safety! 

Use the change to Daylight Savings Time to change the batteries on your smoke alarm and Carbon-Monoxide detector. Most fire deaths this winter were due to non-working smoke-alarms or carbon-monoxide detectors. Take a moment to change those batteries. You may be saving lives.

spring forward

 

Springing into Spring!

May this Springing Forward remind the weather that the time has come for new shoots and flowers, for hatchlings and chicks, goslings and fawns, bunnies and puppies, for newness and cuteness to melt (some snow) and hearts …

Spring it on!

fawn
duckling
foal

Adele and the Penguin–a blog to behold

Needing some guidance? Oh, have I got a great spot for you to go to!!

If your life feels upended, out of whack, overwhelmed–here’s a splendid path for you to follow–check it out: Adele and the Penguin–making sense of an upside down world, is a delightful site in general, and to top this off Adele is currently running a series of practical, spiritual, and path-enlightening entries on how to manage life’s upheaval and find light aplenty through dark tunnels of tough stuff.

Down to earth, high on spirit.

Read it! To borrow Adele’s oft expression: This is fab!

In this awesome series, there are two installments down, one to go–read them now, so you have time to mill it over before the third one makes a show.

First Installment: Challenges for today’s brave Lightworkers and Healers

Second Installment: Initiation Portals for today’s brave Lightworkers and Healers

Third one coming soon and I am absolutely sure–worth it, so be in the know!

[While you’re at the Penguin, poke around. You’ll find gems in every link. Great stuff abounds!]

hope is d.tutu

In response to today’s entry re: portals--some thoughts, and much gratitude to the soulful words and instructing teachings of Adele (seriously, check out her website, you will not be sorry, and you’ll likely get a good laugh while you’re at it–she’s serious fun!):

So very important, Adele, and so true. For, yes … for the good to be distinct, we must KNOW what is bad, how to recognize it and how to forge a path to emerge from it into new homes. 

Like the oscillation of a pendulum, the higher we want it to go to one side, the lower it must go to the other. It cannot go up without repeatedly dipping down. We cannot soar without plummeting. It is comforting to know this is how it is done …

For light to be defined, we must know the depth of darkness. It is the bog of hopelessness that teaches the power of a ray of sunlight and a handhold. It is the horror of cruelty that magnifies an act of kindness and instills the absolute knowledge of the transforming power of empathy and love.

Let there be light in the darkness; let there be a handhold to have in the depths; let there be hope in the void; let there be help in the desperate corners of pain; let there be friendship in the loneliest places, let there be love to weave strength with in the most desolate place. Let there be new rising bright, rising wise, from the old.

Forest Portal

Letter to the Editor, NYTimes: What we DO know!

If there’s anything we can learn from the media’s flurry over Woody Allen’s family, choices, priorities, and consequences, let it be about the all too frequent realities of children’s unnecessary pain …

My letter to the Editor of the NYTimes, published today:

 

May no child be left bereft of knowing where to turn or have their needs frozen away, obscured by others’ closed minds or hearts.

now where...