Photo: Ofir Asif
She ran into the camp,
Braids streaming behind like ribbons
In wind,
Determined to be
Unbound
For a time.
The women raised their heads,
Weary from tending to
Crops and overtired babies.
This time of year was plentiful in many things but
Not in time.
“What is it, child,” her elder asked,
The rhythm of rocking the cradles of milk
And infant
Adding a lilt to her aged voice,
Raspy from smoky fires and chaff
Of time.
“Help,” the young one breathed,
And stalled,
Needy of air and flooded by sudden doubt.
“Speak up, child,” her mother snapped,
Tight with worry for a girl-child
Chased home,
And the shadows
of another time.
The camp stilled.
A baby woke in cry.
“Come help,” the lass repeated, indignant,
No longer shy.
“The creek rises and a cow is screaming
Across the arroyo.
We have no time!”
For the dVerse prosery challenge
Na'ama Yehuda 
I feel the incipient panic, can anticipate the chaotic hurry that ensues. I do hope they got away
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I hope so, too. And if it is not their village that’s at risk, but their livestock, that they got the animals into safety, too.
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Indeed 🙂
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🙂
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The pace and short sentence lend your prosery a strong sense of panic, Namy, and I felt like I was running with the child, in the trail of her braids streaming like ribbons. I like the realism in the description of the women as ‘weary from tending to crops and overtired babies’, and the elder’s voice as ‘raspy from smoky fires and chaff of time’.
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Thanks, Kim! I’m glad you ‘felt’ the words and scene and that you liked the descriptions. 🙂
Na’ama
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I remember flooded creeks from my childhood. That can be scary – I sense that here.
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Yes, these flash floods, especially in dry areas, can be terrifying and destructive. Awesome, in their might, but scary and dangerous.
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A vivid tableau painted here.
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Thank you, Jane! 🙂
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🙂
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The panic is evident in your words and the way the sentences are presented. Nice job!
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I am glad it was communicated! Flash floods are terrifying. If something will make one run, it will be that (well … and a few other things … but that, too …) 😉
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I like the way you used the short lines to signal the urgency… feel it might be too late though
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It may well be. Or … perhaps … not totally …
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I like the description of urgency.
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Thanks, Frank! 🙂
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The layout of these words is used quite effectively! The weariness, the running out of time, the urgency – all well penned!
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Thank you, Margaret! 🙂 I’m so pleased it came across! 🙂
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This felt exactly like a real child trying to spit the story out. You dragged it out the way the mother had to do it. Writing in in those short lines really added to the tale. It’s always so interesting to me how form and the way the words look of paper can add to the mood amd meaning of the writing.
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Thank you, Christine! I’m gratified to know that the form and wording worked to convey the meaning and scene and interaction in the way I’d intended. 🙂 Yay! Thank you for reading and commenting!
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I love so much about this. Especially the way time is woven through, anchoring each step of the journey, each layering of the characters, the place, the plight, the plea. A pleasure to be swept into this world!
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Thank you, Victoria! I’m so pleased! I did like the notion of time, repeating, pacing, quickening. “Woven through” is the perfect descriptor! Thank you for a great comment! 🙂 Na’ama
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