Kids and Screen Time: Data, Reality, and Possibility

June 13, 2015June 13, 2015Na'ama Yehuda Articles and references, Reflections, Resources and links, Speech Language Pathology Tags: Child Development, children, Communication, education, Interaction, Interpersonal communication, parenting, Pragmatics, Screen-time, Social Skills, speech-language-pathology, Technology 2 Comments

When I grew up, television was a very small part of daily life, and was the only screen in the house. Telephone conversations were usually brief (and attached to the wall through the cord in the main room of the house, they only allowed limited privacy). Most daily interactions were face-to-face. Social interaction with peers and siblings certainly were face to face.

Now most homes in developed countries have several screens in different configurations: TVs, laptops, computers, tablets, phones, game consoles, DVD players, other interactive toys that come with a screen.

Children spend a lot more time facing a screen than they ever did. What is the impact of that?

Like every tool, screen media is neither good nor bad–it is HOW you used it and HOW MUCH you used it and what it DISPLACES that matters.

In this electronic age, children have more access to more education materials in quicker and more convenient ways than ever before. Media and information are powerful, but not neutral: If not taught how to discern information on the web, children do not learn how to conduct research or pick out primary source or secondary source, how to identify fact from biased blog or a complete fallacy. They may believe everything they read online–both truth and blatant misrepresentations. They need to be taught how to use information, how to cross-check, how to learn.

Education with the use of screens has replaced some of the methods of learning that were used in not-too-long-ago times. They have benefits and limitations. They can replace some older methods of research and increase efficiency and effectiveness of learning. They can connect people from far places to work together. They can bridge over differences and stigmas. However, they can also displace the interactive collaboration of listening, analyzing other people’s opinions and views, and working together interactively in real space (rather than over the internet in shared documents or through ‘attachments’ or searching to copy other people’s reports through google …).

Outside of educational screen time (i.e. the time children spend watching screens for learning, whether formal or informal), there are also the many hours a week that children spend playing or gazing at movies or music videos, or in texting incomplete sentences in stunted spelling to their friends on social media or phones. These hours often displace actual face-to-face interactions and all that comes with them: reading social cues, body language, emotions, tone of voice. Electronic communication is a poor substitute to actual interaction. Emoticons are a very crude representation of people’s facial expressions, and while they can lend ‘color’ to a message, they are not the real deal.

Children who spend too many hours staring at screens spend too few hours interacting with others and learning skills for interpersonal communication, for reading other people’s emotions and body language, for taking turns and listening.

In an article on NPR, about “Kids and Screen time–what does the research say”, researchers found that removing screen time (and effectively, the replacing of that back with social interaction and TALKING TO EACH OTHER and engaging with others), helped children be more able to recognize facial expressions. The benefits were significant even after five days of no screen time.

While some people advocate total electronics removal … I am not an advocate of removing all electronics: we live in a time where media and internet, email and web searches are enormous tools. It would be a form of social isolation to cut children off from the ability to interact with the world. However, it can be unhelpful to have too much screen time, as it displaces other kinds of social engagement that are just as important. Children do not know what they are missing when they stare at screens instead of interact with people–it is our job and responsibility as adults to help them learn to communicate and socialize.

Infants learn how to interact, how to engage, how to interpret communication and intent–through facial expression and through immediate dyadic interaction in many different settings over many interactions. It is a learning that continues throughout childhood and into young adulthood (and some may say, throughout the lifespan). We need to be mindful of not displacing personal interaction with screen time.

It is possible to do both–though that calls for moderation and boundaries (things that children need to learn, anyway). Additionally, it needs to be not only the children … adults who spend all their times staring at a little screen are displacing time of interaction WITH their children and are becoming models for what we do not want to reinforce.

There is no one recipe that would work for everyone–the right balance is different for different people at different times. What does make sense to me, is to be mindful and be honest:

Do not demand of your children something you do not follow yourself …

* Create windows of time when screens are not used in your home: a ‘curfew’ time for phones, or an evening a week without any electronics, a ‘no virtual communication’ weekend day, maybe decide on no electronics in mealtimes (basic politeness, that …), or on other ways to limit screen time. For everyone.

Make sure that you are a good model for turning off electronics and doing more than just lifting your eyes momentarily from one …

Young children, especially, are vulnerable to not developing what they SHOULD be developing. If their little faces are stuck to a screen rather than interested in another person, and if their interactions are the brief raising of eyes (or the parent’s brief raising of eyes) from a screen to nod or follow a direction; they would not learn how to engage well, they would not know to be good communicators, or listeners, or readers of social gestures, facial expressions, body-language, and signs.

This is not an either/or. Electronics and screen time, interpersonal social time: It can be an and/and, but it needs to be mindful, lest we raise a generation of children who do not how to interact … and fail them by not providing them the opportunities they needed to learn.

To read the article: “Kids and Screen Time–what does the research say” on NPR, click on the title, or click below:

http://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2014/08/28/343735856/kids-and-screen-time-what-does-the-research-say

Human Archipelago

September 30, 2014September 30, 2014Na'ama Yehuda Anecdotes of Life, Life and love, Reflections Tags: Archipelago, Beach, being yourself, boundaries, Communication, connection, individuality, Island, NaamaYehuda 2 Comments

We are not meant to be an island, but an archipelago …

Connected to each other by crisscross of flows and frequent boat trips,

Birds raising young on all our shores

Turtles rushing to the surf as we shelter soft eggs in the sand.

We are not meant to be an island, but an archipelago …

Close and yet not meshed together

Siblings born of planetary upheaval

that created life

And land.

We are not meant to be an island, but an archipelago …

Each unique yet wholly intertwined

Into an ecosystem of together

Sharing horizons, water, rainbows, rain-tears, storms

Exchanging endless sand.

Back to School–Challenges and Hope

September 6, 2014Na'ama Yehuda Anecdotes of Life, Life and love, Reflections, Resources and links, Speech Language Pathology Tags: Back to school, children, Communication, Fall, Mixed Feelings, NaamaYehuda, parenting, Preparation, Schedule, Speech and Language Therapy, speech therapy 4 Comments

Back to school. Eyefuls and hearts full of children in new clothing and shiny shoes totting sparkling backpacks that are yet to be dragged, thrown, pulled, and sat on. Images of parents, some relieved for end-of-summer entertainment chores, others sorry for the loss of time together, and many more managing an alternating roller-coaster of both … Children with their own mix of dismay and anticipation: back to homework, also reconnecting with classmates and interesting new things to learn.

Back to school is a bittersweet time for most. A loss of freedom yet a gaining of routine that can often be stabilizing. A time for new beginnings and old worries. Fresh expectations and maybe the memory of disappointments. There are anxieties and stresses about friendships, best-friends, cliques, teachers, lockers, who would sit with whom in the cafeteria, fitting in. Mixed into the tetchy anticipation are all too often often nagging worries about too-difficult studies and possible overwhelm.

This time can be even more potentially stressful for children who have language-learning difficulties and past experiences of failure. For them going back to school might brings up memories of struggle and inadequacy, of confusion and all-too-frequent errors and correction. They may associate school with overwhelm and be anxious about the end of respite that summer offered. At the same time that they may still be excited about reuniting with their friends or meeting a new teacher or trying out the new school supplies in their pristine notebooks; they may also hold worry and distress that, too, needs space alongside the excitement. Mixed feelings may be difficult for these kids to explain, further adding to confusion.

Children rarely have one feeling at a time (most of us don’t, really) and the salad of emotions is frequently shifts and is difficult to tease apart. Especially so for children who have some difficulty with communication, processing, and language. It can help to let them know that it is fine to have all kinds of thoughts, worries, and emotions tumbling through their minds and bodies. Verbalizing the experience helps demystify it and helps give words to what may otherwise feel like undefined unease in the pit of little stomachs and vague distress exploding into weepy bouts and unexpected tantrums.

Back to school time can be tender, and fortunately there is much that you can do to help!

If you had not done so yet, it may be a good time for a brief ‘postmortem’ of the previous school year: What worked and what didn’t? What are they proud of? What were favorites and what was least so? What would they change if they could? What was most helpful? What would have helped? Is there anything or anyone they’d miss? Anyone they worry revisiting?

Time, too, for a heart-to-heart about this school year before it begins in earnest: What are they excited about? Does anything worry them, and if so, what it is? Who are they looking forward to meeting? Who are they not keen on seeing again? Is there anything they are not sure about? Anything about which they feel more confident? And … what do they need? How can you help?

For those for whom narrative is a challenge, it would help if you share your own back-to-school stories: The best year, the worst year, your favorites and least. What gave you joy and what causes you worry. Modeling your own mixed feelings gives permission for the child to have a mix within themselves, and provides a framework for their own descriptions. Add your thoughts and feelings about them and their new beginning: Your excitement for how much they’ve grown and your touch of sadness for the end of summer pleasures; your hopes for a good year and your wishes it would not be too stressful or too difficult.

Do not, however, criticize or bring up ultimatums. Things like “last year you did not try very hard so this year I expect you to do better …” or “you better work hard this year or there’d be no play-dates …” or “I don’t want to hear bad things from your teacher about you like I did last year …”–they wound, not help. Shame strips hope away and erodes confidence. Absolutely vent your frustrations and fears to other adults you are close to but not in the presence of the child who evokes them–you need a soft place to fall but it should not be your child who provides it for you …

No child wants to do badly in school or to misbehave. Using last-years woes (over which the child now has no control anyway) as leverage for this year demands does little to give motivation. Failure will happen–we all misstep, we all make errors, have bad days, act out sometimes, forget, neglect to follow some direction. If the child enters school afraid or disillusioned they may reach conclusions that it is not worth the try if they are already half-way into punishment …

So … be on the child’s side. Encourage. Inspire. Allow a new beginning and fresh hope and confidence. You don’t need to praise failure or ignore hardship, but you can find a way to re-frame difficulties through effort and maturation. “I know that last year was challenging at times but I am so excited to see how much you have matured this summer” and “Let us work together to make this year the best year yet both in school and at home.”

Prepare. School supplies and school clothing are important. So are arranging schedules and anticipating needs and letting the child be part of whatever decisions they can have some input for and control over. Familiarity with routines is important for any child but even more so for the child who may need help with comprehending and following cause-and-effect, sequence, and directions.

How to do it? Talk about the coming schooldays’ schedule. Point out when school starts and ends, how long things take (the school bus, getting home, homework), what other things will need to be accommodated. Discuss the merits of good sleep and healthy nutrition, negotiate (or explain) a clear a time to rise and time to go to bed, time for other tasks as needed. This arranging of routine and timetable can be made fun–life should be looked forward to and manageable–after all, there are so many amazing things to find out and adventures to be had!

To make things more concrete and minimize the need to hold all the details in memory, you can draw a visual schedule together: clocks with crucial times to follow, lists of things to do each morning and after-school, timetables for after-school activities and therapies. This preparation will be further enhanced if you review the school schedule (and any unusual things like holidays and school trips) over weekends so the child knows what’s expected and what to expect.

Make sure you leave time for the child to have unstructured play. Ensure there is some time for boredom, too. In this day and age when life is busier and schooldays long and demands overwhelming, it is difficult to fathom children given time to daydream and get bored. However, these are crucial for imagination, creativity, rest, and assimilation. Children will daydream–might as well make time for it so it does not take place in class or during homework.

Secure some time for reading and snuggles. Schedule it in. It is no less important than homework or baseball or tutoring. YOU reading TO the child, that is. Beyond the pleasure of connection and time together in story adventure, there is ample research showing it as a wonderful best way to increase their language and comprehension, to expose them to worlds beyond their own and deepen their listening. Reading to your child will enrich your connection and provide a time and place for shared relaxation as well as important opportunity for sharing what may otherwise not find a way to bubble up and be spoken of.

Preparing the school staff is helpful, too, if special accommodations or understanding are required. Consider speaking with the school ahead of time (or early in the school year) so that you limit your child needing to stand out as different or wait for accommodations. You’ll also get a sense to who the teachers are and which one may call for more teamwork and coordination than others.

Prepare yourself, as well … Not for the hardship, but for self-care. See that you not forget your own needs for good food, enough sleep, time to breathe, to exercise, to call a friend, to laugh, to cuddle. Stress is no more good for parents than it is for children …

It is a tender and exciting time, this back to school adventure of new beginnings. Even as it may awaken the frayed remnants of old worries, it offers amply opportunity for building confidence and bolstering hope. It is filled with growth and re-connection. May the cooler weather and the changing times herald soft days and brilliant colors, and may it bring on glorious learning ready to unfold.

Happy Back To School to All!

Giving is the best communication

June 29, 2014Na'ama Yehuda Video Anecdotes of Life, Good stuff!, Reflections Tags: Communication, Giving, Gratitude, heartwarming, Inspirational, kindness, paying it forward 2 Comments

This ad from Thailand touched my heart. May it touch yours.

May we all find a place of giving and heart-communication: One never knows where a kind act would take another, and how it sets the wheels in motion for themselves.

Keeping Children Safe–a how to resource!

June 8, 2014Na'ama Yehuda Anecdotes of Life, Articles and references, Good stuff!, Resources and links, Trauma and Development Tags: Communication, education, Empowering Our Children, infancy to adolescence, Keeping children safe, NaamaYehuda, parenting, Sexual abuse prevention, themamabeareffect 2 Comments

When it comes to keeping children safe from sexual abuse, many parents are baffled as to what to do. They don’t want to scare their children or give them ideas about the world being unsafe, and at the same time worry that lack of safety skills may place their children in danger of being exploited.

Parents don’t know when to start, how to bring the topic up, what to say (and what not to say). Many prefer to not bring up the issue at all, or focus only on ‘stranger-danger’–even though 90% of child sexual abuse happens in the hands of people familiar to the child (and upward of 75% by caregivers). It is difficult to conceive that children can be harmed this way. No one wants to believe that people they may know could be unsafe. We want to believe we can keep them safe from everything and everyone. Always. Moreover, the whole issue can bring up painful memories in those who pushed away their own experience of inappropriate touch.

Embarrassment, too, often complicates caregivers’ discourse about sexual abuse, as does worry about questions that one may not know how to respond to or that would raise issues of immodesty.

Even among those parents and caregivers who do discuss safety and sexual-abuse prevention, many don’t realize that keeping children safe goes beyond a one-time ‘talk’ about the topic.

Fortunately, there are resources like the one below, which do an excellent job introducing the issue of safety and body boundaries in children, from infancy through to adolescence. It is a very good place to start!

If you are a parent or a caregiver–read it. It may give you information or suggestions you did not think of before. If you are not a direct caregiver–share this with others who are. They will thank you. More importantly, the children would be safer.

http://www.themamabeareffect.org/empowering-our-children.html

Of course, children’s safety extends well beyond sexual abuse prevention. Verbal and physical abuse, bullying, and neglect are other sad realities for all too many children. We all should be vigilant to notice, intervene, and seek help for any child at risk. Any risk. It is our responsibility as adults to do so.

This resource, and other educational and practical tools for improving child safety are only one step and target certain risks, but are still immensely important to read and incorporate. This offers a very good start. Following these recommendation can help.

The reality is that even with all the information and education possible, we may not be able to stop some things from happening once. However, with good information and open communication, we can at the very least teach our children what to listen to (and what not to listen to or believe), and we can reinforce clearly how they can come to us with any discomfort, concern, worry, or imposed secret. This can help can minimize the likelihood of the unwanted happening. Just as important if not more–by providing children with good, ongoing, open communication about their bodies, their right to safety and honoring their intuition–we can ensure that what might happen will not escalate and will not happen again. Because they’ll come to us. Because they’ll tell. Because we will make it stop.

Click. Read. Learn. Share.

http://www.themamabeareffect.org/empowering-our-children.html