
Photo: Jon Sailer on Unsplash
So far all went according to plan.
Part serendipity, part preparation, part desperation. Sheer stubborn, too. She needed all of it.
She slunk around the building, her heartbeat almost drowning out the hum of voices reverberating in the air. She used to find the monotone of prayers soothing. Now it was the buzz of wasps.
Thomas had promised to keep any from straying. Promises were at most hopes in the Commune, but indeed the path seemed clear. Where normally there would be at least one man leaning against the door in fake calm that nonetheless effectively barred the exit, there was naught but empty space. The guards imbibed.
She quickened her pace. She’d have to time it perfectly. The once-daily pass-by train was her only chance at freedom. The rails shook. No one left and no on came on the bare platform. She leaped.
Prosery prompt quote: “No one left and no one came on the bare platform.” Edward Thomas
For the dVerse Prosery challenge: Edward Thomas
Exciting, thrilling flash fiction; good on her; wonderful take on the prompt.
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Thanks, Glenn! π Glad you found it so!
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a real thrill seeker … are you dreaming of escaping this lockdown π
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Hmm. … I’ll ask Freud … π
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lol good luck with that!
freud = fraud π
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Should I ask him what you’d meant?…ππ
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then you really will need psychoanalysis π
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LOL!!!!
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Very nice! Leaving us hanging literally in mid-air! Well done… Now for the sequel!
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π We shall see … it might depend on the next prompt … π
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Yes!
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π
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Excellent!!
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Thanks, my friend!!
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π
I wasn’t going to do Crispina’s but then this prosery challenge begged me to combine the two
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I’m going to check that out!!! π
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Workin’ on it…
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π Okey dokey. Me practice my patience muscles …
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Good… coz yanno… it’s my party and I’ll take all the time I need!
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Exactly!!! π
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You wrote it already? Couldn’t find it yet. I’ll be patient … π
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No. I got sidetracked by the over-abundance being sent my way…
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hmmm?
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Uh huh…
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π
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Just teasing … HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! π
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Shhhhh!!
Thank you π
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π What, it a secret? π
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Nah… just don’t want to look like I’m looking for stuff…
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Ah, no worries, no need to look for stuff when I’m DELIGHTED to shower you with Happy Birthdays!!! π XOXO
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You are way too sweet.
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That’s because I make sure to have some chocolate EVERY DAY! It is very effective … π
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Oooooohhhhhhh
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π
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Hope there was a door open to pull her in..
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I hope so, too! Or a roof to hang on to. Or something.
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Reminds me of Ayn Rand’s protagonist in “We the Living” trying to cross the border in the end.
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Yes! Hadn’t thought of that, but I see how you would think of it!
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Woah – you built the tension so well. And then the ending – at first I thought freedom! – and then I wondered how desperate she was. Let’s go with freedom…
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Yeah, let’s go with freedom! Amen.
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A leap of faith… π
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Very much so! I hope she got to wherever she wanted to go, safely.
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Mmm, me too. π
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π
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ooooh. definitely love how you build it up. felt like a page from The Hunger Games!
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I’m glad you liked it! And … I hope she finds hope and freedom. π
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I love stories where a woman escapes whatever held her in a not-so-good place.
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Yes, those are important stories, aren’t they?
I’ve written about such realities, in one form or the other, before. Including in my novels (“Outlawed Hope” and “Emilia” for example). It is a reality for all too many still, isn’t it?
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Fantastic piece of storytelling, The seeking of freedom and then the twist that freedom flew before a train. Thank you
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Thank you for the feedback! I’m so glad it worked and I hope that freedom arrived …
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Into the unknown…that is indeed a frightening leap. (K)
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It must be, and … it must be that what she’s escaping is even more frightening …
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I like how she escapes in the end, and how you describe the chilling world she is leaving.
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Thanks, Bjorn! I’m glad you liked it!
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