Photo prompt © Ceayr
“Are you sure this is the house?”
“It says 345.”
“What if it’s the wrong number?”
“It’s not.” She unfurled a sweaty fist to show him the piece of paper and its slightly smudged pen marks. “It says right here.”
“What if you wrote it down wrong?” His eyes met hers, mirroring her apprehension and amplifying the seeds of doubt that tightened shoots of worry in her stomach.
She shook her head, courage evaporated.
It was one thing to flee their miserable surroundings. Another entirely to knock on the door of the father who’d rejected them even before they were born.
For Rochelle’s Friday Fictioneers
I think this is what is known as a ‘pivotal moment’. Nicely done.
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I think you are right … 😉
Thanks, Sandra!
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Nice one. I feel the anxiety; so much riding on the knock on a door.
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Thank you, Crispina … exactly!
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yeah, though. Nicely written.
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Na’ama Y’karah,
I could feel the tension mount. And the stomach-knotting apprehension at the end. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you, Rochelle! I’ve worked with enough children who had experienced abandonment of various kinds (sometimes repeatedly) to know how real that apprehension/hope/disappointed cycle often is … I’m gratified some of it was communicated in this itty-bitty piece.
Thanks, my friend!
Na’ama
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Lovely and very skilful writing, Na’ama. You build the tension effortlessly, and your reveal is powerful. Kudos!
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Thank you, Penny!
🙂
I feel for them … and I hope that if they gather up their courage, they will not be disappointed … though realistically, I worry they well might be …
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Let’s hope it is a happy reunion, but I fear the worst.
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Yes, I worry that their apprehension has merit.
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Whatever happens next will be forever remembered, even if nothing at all.
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Very true! I’m sure it would!
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Some times it’s best to leave things along. Although maybe they need to resolve issues?
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Or maybe they could not really stay where they were … and hoped beyond hope to be taken in by someone who should — by all (child-like, at least) expectations — be willing to do so.
And yes … sometimes it may be best to leave things along, though sometimes one also needs to know where one stands … Or is desperate enough to jiggle even the frailest thread.
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You have a point. Plus I didn’t consider the age. Children are pretty forgiving of parents before they let go.
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They are NEEDING of their parents. For children forgiveness is a matter of survival.
And … to be fair, I don’t say how old they are … They might be very young. They might be older in some ways but vulnerable in need. One can also reach your conclusions, certainly. For some things are best left alone, and if history was any indication, we can probably expect them to be disappointed.
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What a brilliant write!
Love how you built up the tension. I could feel it as I read.
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Thank you my friend! Yay!
And … yes, poor things, it seems that there’s a lot hanging on this for them. In more than one way, perhaps.
I hope the mega-pack juju is helping … Lemm’e know when you run out, I’ll make you a subscription … 😉
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Fingers crossed it turns out.
Thanks. I’ll take renewable prescription, please.
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🙂 Sure thing! 🙂
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😘
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A worrying moment. I wonder how he’ll react?
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Yeah, I wonder that, too … It can go several different ways, and I guess we won’t know till they knocked …
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I hope they’ll work up the courage to knock. Well done!
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Thanks, Enkin … I hope they do so, too, even if only so they can know what’s what. And … indeed one never knows till they’d tried. So … 🙂 Thank you for reading and commenting!
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A good story and writing, Na’ama. You’ve shown this tense situation well through their dialogue and actions. I’m wondering what will happen. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Thank you, Suzanne!
I wonder, too … and I have a feeling it might not be what they expect, though who know it what direction …
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I feel apprehensive for them. Skilful storytelling indeed.
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Thank you, Keith! Apprehension is well placed here … I don’t know that the result would be what they hope, given the history …
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Oh my – great twist and characterization. It definitely begs for continuation…
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🙂 Thanks Donna!
Who knows … perhaps we shall … 😉
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That’s a great twist, and totally unexpected. Good one.
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Thank you, Linda! Glad you liked it! Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂
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Wow. They are so brave. To get this far. I can sense their fear at pushing on. So poignant, Na’ama.
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Thanks, Kevin.
Yes, I think they are brave, too; and perhaps more than a little desperate (and at least a little longing). I’m glad they have each other …
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Me too. Troubles are always best faced with an understanding partner. 😎
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Yep indeedee!
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I met my father for the first time a few years ago, different circumstances but you captured it well.
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Oh, wow! Thank you for sharing that with me, and I am hoping it went well (or as well as it could have). I’m gratified to know that I captured the situation well – it is different for everyone and yet perhaps it is in some ways the same …
Thank you again for reading and commenting! Na’ama
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It went very well, we’re still in touch, and we saw him only last week, he’s retired to Devon. In the April A-Z challenge last year I wrote all about my adoption, it might not be the best writing as I’d only started my blog in January and it was rushed because it’s a letter a day. I may well revisit the idea, I’ve a plan!
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Oh, I’m so glad it went very well! 🙂
I’ll take a peek at your A-Z challenge, and I hope you do revisit it — writing is often a cyclical thing, anyway!
🙂
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I think they have a reason to be apprehensive. Nicely done.
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Hi Jo, yes … I would think they have good reason to be apprehensive … not the least of it being the history of that ‘relationship’ …
What will happen? Who knows … but apprehension certainly has a place …
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Na’ama
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It is certainly a difficult decision to become an unwelcome guest at someones place.
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Absolutely! I wish for the best for them but I worry that they might not get what they seek the way they seek it … if only given the earlier ‘history’ with that person …
Then again, who knows …
I’m glad they have each other, though.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Abhijit!
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You are superb at writing a powerful story. I felt the siblings anxiety about leaving one difficult situation and searching for hope in the father who had abandoned them. Terribly sad.
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Awww, Brenda, thank you! This is lovely praise to get indeed!
And … yes, aren’t these situations — and there are way too many of them in different variations — terribly sad …
I’m gratified if some of it was communicate.
Thanks again!
Na’ama
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Three life stories in such a few lines. Well done
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Thank you! I’m glad you noted there are THREE stories (at least — for there is also the story of what they’d fled and who had raised them …)! 🙂 Na’ama
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Just as the ‘send’ button was pressed realised I had missed one out 😃
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🙂 Is okay. I was just being persnickety … 😉
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‘Persnicktey’ is good in a writer; it stops us being bland…and anyway it’s such a cool word to use 😃
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Isn’t it???? It is one of my favoritests ones. 🙂
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I’m going to have to fit that in my next book…somehow!😃
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Be my guest! 🙂
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The intensity is palpable. It must be difficult to have to go through something like what they’re about to go through. I think of all the people who sign up to find out about their DNA especially when they’ve been adopted or whatever other circumstance causes them to do the searching. My niece is adopted. Although, she’s spent a wonderful life and has been treated like she was one of the real children in the family she always has an empty feeling she can’t seem to fill. GREAT story this week, Na’ama. Sorry, I’m late. It’s hard to keep up with things lately.
Isadora 😎
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Hi Isadora – I’m happy to get comments from you at ANY time … and there’s no expiration date on commenting, anyway! 🙂
Yes, some of the children I work with had been adopted – some after very difficult beginnings – and it is always a heartache to know you’d been abandoned or given up or that there were circumstances that led to you not being able to be raised by your own parents. It is crucial to have, good loving, sensitive adoptive homes, and those help a LOT. Sometimes they even help enough, but they don’t change the realities that children who’d been adopted are managing a reality of pain that needs to be acknowledged, even if they had attached well to their adoptive families.
I don’t know what will happen with the duo on the story … but I worry they had had more than their share of hardship and more coming …
Thanks for stopping by and I hope that whatever makes it difficult to keep up with things, is good stuff, and not ‘other kind of stuff’.
Na’ama
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I’m smiling at your “No Expiration Date’ comment. ~~~ : – )
Life is a combo of ups and downs. My recent downs were a severe health issue my hubby had. I’m writing a draft about it today to help people who may not pay attention to their health. After all, blogging is about sharing information in order to help people.
Have a peaceful Thursday … Isadora 😎
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🙂 Smiling is good, and it is good medicine, too!
I’m sorry about your hubby’s severe health issue and I hope things are resolved or at least at a better place.
Yes, it is SO important to take care of our health and bodies. We only get one. Best make sure we take the best care of it possible.
I’m sure your blog will help people’s awareness to doing more. And … take care of YOU, too — it is difficult to witness a loved one being ill. Na’ama
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