Photo prompt © J Hardy Carroll
They left for the summer and came back to find new neighbors had moved in.
The intrusion wasn’t noticeable at first. They’d come home at night and were busy settling back in after a long absence. It wasn’t till the next morning that Abby screamed and they ran upstairs to see the child frozen in terror, hands still on the windowsill.
A swarm of buzz swirled around her.
“Call 911!” Simon pushed his wife out of the room before slamming the door behind her and grabbing the blanket from the bed. “Tell them a nine-year-old has disturbed a hornet’s nest!”
For Rochelle’s Friday Fictioneers
Oh no! Unwelcome neighbors to be sure.
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Most unwelcome! Poor Abby!
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What a terrifying scene! I hope Abby is okay.
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I hope so, too!
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A story with a sting in its tale. Nice one.
Click to read my FriFic tale!
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Thanks, Keith! A sting indeed!
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An everyday horror to be sure.
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I sure hope NOT an every day one … 😉 But, yeah, alas not too rare an event, and always terrifying!
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Yeh….shudder
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🙂
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How terrifying! You built the tension so well I feel stress for poor Abby.
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Thanks, Brenda. Poor Abby. I hope she’ll be okay!
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Most unwelcome visitors, indeed! Scary..
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I know … I got stung by wasps a couple of times in my life and that was bad enough. I can’t imagine upsetting a nest of hornets … Poor little Abby!
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I.got stung once, too. Putting my hand on a door handle and the wasp bounced between my hand and the door 3-4 times, stinging me each time! Burned like a MF
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Yep. Them vindictive little buggers, and their sting hurts like the Dickens!
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Burns!
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Yeah. Me no like thems.
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Not the sort of neighbours you want!
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Yep, not at all!
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Wonderfully compelling story with great atmosphere–– a terrifying situation! It feels like the beginning of a longer story, and yet is complete as is. Wonderful!
The only thing I struggled with is the names. Abby and Gabby are very close, and I wasn’t sure who was who. Is Abby screaming, the child? They hear the child Abby screaming? Gabby is Simon’s wife? That threw me off. Otherwise, a fabulous story!
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Thanks, Dawn. Good feedback — I re-read and I can see where it might’ve been ambiguous. I edited slightly now. It is always helpful to get feedback about blind spots and thank you for taking the time to do so! 🙂
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I’m always hesitant. There’s a tendency to say “good story,” and not give critique. I know that I enjoy knowing what worked, and what did NOT. Glad you are receptive; I had a hunch you might be. 😉
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I didn’t see it as critique (i.e. certainly not of me, only of the piece), and like you, I appreciate the feedback, both what worked and what was confusing. A couple of weeks ago I had an excellent exchange with Dale about some confusion with a bit I wrote, and it was a lot of fun to try and re-write (in the comments) it in the way she initially understood it. Sort of mental-flexing, I think. And after all, this is all for creative fun, so the cross-fertilization is a gift IMO.
🙂
So, thank you again!
Na’ama
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Critique by its nature should include positive and constructive/negative, feedback. And of course, always of the piece, never of the writer. 😉
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🙂 Sounds about right! 🙂
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Na’am Y’karah,
I’m terrified of flying, stinging things. I’ve never been stung and hope to keep my spotless record. I hope Abby’s not allergic. Compelling story. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, Rochelle! I hope she’s not allergic and I hope those hornets didn’t all sting her or she’d be in serious trouble even without being allergic … but, yeah, scary stuff, those!
I’m all for your keeping your record unstung!
xoxo
Na’ama
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Ah, for a child that can be dangerous. Great story.
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Thank you! And yes … for a child it can be very dangerous!
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That would be a scary moment, and painful. Hornet stings hurt!
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Yeah! A LOT! 😦
Thank you for the comment! 🙂 Na’ama
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Poor child! If she survives multiple stings, she going to be traumatized and phobic about stinging insects for a very long time. Horrible to think of such a little girls being attacked in such a way.
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Indeed! I hope she survives and that she gets help to deal with the terror of it. I know a little boy – age 6 or so at the time – who was attacked by a swarm of bees while playing in a nature reserve some miles outside the town where his family lived. The boy’s panic only made the bees more defensive. His quick thinking uncle, who was with the child at the time, took his own shirt off, wrapped the boy’s head and neck with it and ran with the child into the wind (thankfully it was a breezy day, which helped slow down the bees). He got the kid into the car, called 911, and used the time till the ambulance arrived to strip the child’s clothes off to knock whatever bees were still on the child’s clothing/body and scrape off any any stingers he could find. Fortunately the child wasn’t allergic to bees, because both of them got stung multiple times. The uncle apparently didn’t even realize he’d been stung in the face and eyelid till the paramedics insisted he be assessed as well.
Not surprisingly, the boy (and the uncle, I bet!) gets quite anxious around any flying buzzing insect. Not that I can blame him!
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No, I understand completely. People always say you should just stand still and not excite them, but that is physically impossible for me!
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I think it is a different story if it is one bee (which I’ve been stung by and stood quite calmly) or a whole angry swarm (which I’ve never been stung or chased by and all bets are off whether I’d be able to, let alone if there was a child there being stung!). The other issue there, as I understood it, was that there had been cases of African Bees in that area, and those are VERY aggressive and you SHOULD run from them (sometimes they can chase people for quite some distance!) and preferably into the wind. So in that regard that man did exactly the right thing for his nephew (who I don’t think would’ve stood still as it was). But … yeah, scary!
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Terrifying!
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Totally…
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That is scary. Those are not good neighbors!
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Indeed they are not!
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🙂
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Oh the pain of those stings isn’t fun. I’ve been stung … ouch. I like the way the story builds, Na’ama. Great take on the prompt.
Isadora 😎
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Thank you, Isadora! 🙂
And … yeah, them stings are oweee!
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😄
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Terrible to even contemplate but well told. I hope with her quick-thinking parents, all will be eell with her.
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Me, too! 🙂
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Not the kind of neighbors you welcome love the twist
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Thank you, Bjorn! 🙂
And … yeah, not the kind of neighbors you’d like …
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