Mackinac Island; http://www.cityofmi.org/
“Thar she is,” the captain pointed.
She stared at the lighthouse across a desert of stacked ice shards and patches of wet cold.
“How far are we?”
The grizzled man lifted a hand against the horizon as if measuring. “Ah, ’bout a mile, as the crow flies.”
Might as well be ten thousand, she thought. Years, too.
He’d left the engines idling but refused to get her any closer. Would not lend her a kayak, either. “Too chocked up,” he’d said.
She reiterated her urgency but still he would not be swayed.
“She’d give up her ice soon,” he nodded at the lake. His attempt at kindness.
Soon would be too late. She swallowed bitterness. The estate was scheduled to be liquidated the next morning. Without photo proof of her early childhood scrawls in the lighthouse’s attic, she’d lose the inheritance. Illegitimate in a whole new way.
For What Pegman Saw
Na'ama Yehuda 
You tell this story fluently, and where you use description you pick out the most important details. For example, “a desert of stacked ice shards and patches of wet cold” tells us why she can’t cross the ice to the lighthouse. ‘Grizzled’ is an excellent summing up of both the appearance and the manner of the sailor.
Good story, Na’ama
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Thank you, Penny. I love your analysis and am grateful for your feedback! 🙂
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Nicely written with vivid descriptons.
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Thank you! 🙂
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I hope she does not lose the inheritance – you really told this well
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Thank you, I hope so, too … 😉 And thank you for the lovely comment! 🙂
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🙂
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I love how the descriptons are told in so few words. (Also hope that she gets her inheritance).
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Thank you Bernadette … I tend to be wordy (three full-length novels, a full-length professional manuscript and generally copious amounts of correspondence …), though I also write poetry, which can be short or long … This makes these micro-fiction challenges are a fun exercise in distilling ideas in a different way. 🙂 (PS I also hope she gets the inheritance …)
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Wow that’s a lot! 😅
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Yeah, me verbose … 😉
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Echoing the comments above. I especially liked your description of the ice shards. The captain is also drawn very nicely. I wonder if on “childhood’s” you might want to leave out the ‘s ? The tension is very high in this piece. Well done!
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Thank you! Yes, I had debated that possessive ‘s’ with myself … and what it does to the sentence (the scrawls do ‘belong’ to her childhood, but perhaps the attribution of possession is understood and not totally necessary in this particular sentence …). So, I think you might be right about it being a tad over possessive after all … 😉
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Very well done, Na’ama. Loved the descriptions and I can so feel her frustration and despair. So close and yet so far. I hope she finds a way.
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Thank you, Dale! 🙂
I hope she finds a way, too. … All is possible. You never know. A glider hero passes by and plucks her up? A stranger back in town offers a helicopter ride? A woman at the town’s diner remembers she has photos of her as a child at the lighthouse? All is possible …
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Well she seems to be stuck between icy lake and a stubborn captain! This is called so near yet so far.
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To be fair, the captain may just be sensible in his stubbornness … but, yeah, she is utterly so near yet so far … Thank you for the comment and feedback! 🙂 Na’ama
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A poignant story of forgotten cold. I love the idea she grew up on a lighthouse and why did she scrawl in the attic and not be blinded by the light… and she wants to come back… some mesmerising magic at work here. Loved it.
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So glad you liked it! Thank you for taking the time to comment and I’d love to have your feedback again! Na’ama
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Marvelous writing! I loved the language, the deft story telling, and the way the stakes escalated at the end. Great to have you on Pegman!
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Thank you! What a great comment!
It’s not my first time on Pegman and I don’t think it’ll be my last … 🙂
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So sorry, well let me restate: Always great to see you! 🙂
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No worries! I was just being a tease. I’m really not easily offended, and I certainly don’t expect people to keep track of my hopping about the web-o-sphere! 🙂
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Oh, I love that ending, those images of her childhood scrawls that are so important, so close and so unattainable. Terrific storytelling
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Thank you, Lynn! Micro-fiction risks saying too little (literally) or being to sparse to create a mental picture. I’m so glad you found my little story evocative! 🙂 Yay! Thank you for the feedback and I hope you stop by and comment again. 🙂 Na’ama
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My pleasure 🙂
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